Christmas is 29 days to go and I am still lost

As Holiday Season is fast approaching, I am wondering how I would celebrate it. For sure it’s not like last year when my heart is still filled with so much love and joy knowing at that time, his love for me is enormously. Now I am wandering from far and looking in an empty space. Will he show up and come back during this season, knowing that we have not spoken for quite some time. Our communication just ended out of no where and our pride is just too high that no one would like to make the first move.

For once, I don’t want to make the first move, because it has been consistently that I am the one who is making the first move. For once, I want to feel that he misses me, I want to know that he would also find ways to look for me, I want to feel that he is thinking of me and so on and so on. Just as I thought, he never bothers to remember me; neither doesn’t he care if we have not spoken for almost 2 months now. The bottom line is, he don’t love me that much, because he can just let the day pass by without wanting to talk to me. Or maybe just maybe, the blazing and glowing love that he has for me was faded and gone.

I’ll have my white Christmas with my family. I maybe surrounded with my friends and family but still nothing compares if you knew that someone loves you deep with in them. To you.. I miss you and if this is the end of our relationship, I don’t need your explanation or a word coming from you. Just continue what you are doing and don’t bother to remember me. Because by the time you remember me, I might and just might forget you already. Thank you for the love, ache, pain and tears you have given me, it’s a nice experience to love you and be part of your life for once.