Love Notes: TWO ENDS OF THE BRIDGE

Still, I keep noticing his strange behavior towards me, like always asking me out to lunch, dinner, movies, or simply hanging out in my office. He would sometimes visit me at home and play chess with my dad for hours, while I laughed hard at his antics, something that my family finds so entertaining. My brothers and sisters used to tease me about having John as my boyfriend. But being aware of his affection for my best friend always leads me to dismiss our closeness as sibling-like. I never gave it a second thought.

Four years ago, I met Allan, an extremely impressive guy who immediately captured my heart. A year after that, Allan and I got married. We were blessed with a healthy and beautiful baby girl. Allan is so sweet and thoughtful, and his family is so good to me. Joe, I thought I had it made. With a wonderful family and a stable income, I thought life could never get any better than that.

While I was enjoying the bliss of a happy marriage, John was on the other hand, still struggling amidst one failed relationship after another. As much as I wanted to be there for him like I used to, the demands of my family life won't allow it anymore. Still we remained close, and he even became friends with my husband Allan, as well as developed great fondness for my daughter. John became the family friend, he was always there for us, and us for him too.

One day while having lunch with John, I asked him why he hasn't considered getting married yet. His mood suddenly turned serious when he said he thinks all the good ones are already taken, while staring intently at me. Joe, at that moment I felt a strange chill envelop my body. We fell silent while finishing our meal, and stayed that way until we went back to work. I can't explain how I felt that day, like I was both excited and scared at the same time. I have a strong feeling he was making a pass on me. And for some reason, I was thrilled at the possibility. But upon coming home I realized how wrong I was for entertaining such thoughts. I could never in good conscience betray my husband's trust in me.

Still, the thought persisted. It gave me lots of sleepless nights. I can't understand why all of the sudden I can't get John out of my mind. Whenever we see each other at work, we would only stare at each other. My longing to approach him and be with him is so intense it's almost painful, Joe. And I can see that he's undergoing the same ordeal. One rainy afternoon, I was surprised when John entered my office. He just stood there and didn't say a word for a few minutes. I tried to act nonchalantly while continuing on with my work. When he spoke, I felt a thousand explosions going off simultaneously inside my heart. John told me how all these years he secretly loved me, but was too frightened to express his feelings for fear that it might ruin our friendship. At that moment, I realized I can't hold back the fact that I had fallen in love with him too. I broke down and wept silently, my tears free-falling on the computer keyboard. He attempted to come close to comfort me, but I thought being physically close to him at that moment of weakness would be disastrous, so I gestured him to leave despite strong protestations from my heart. After he left, I decided to go home early, I was too confused to work.

John didn't report to work on the next couple of days, which caused me to miss him like hell. On the fourth day while I was getting ready to go home, John entered my office. Joe, I wasn't able to control myself, and immediately ran to him and embraced him tight. At that moment, time seemed to have stood still while John and I kissed passionately. We spent hours at the breakwaters near the Army & Navy Club, just talking and cuddling with each other. When I got home just before midnight, I felt like I was stabbed in the heart when I saw Allan sleeping beside our daughter. I have committed a terrible sin against my family, but I can't think of any way to correct it.

John and I continued seeing each other while keeping our relationship a secret from our officemates. Occasionally we would go out on weekends under the excuse that I have to beat some deadlines. We never did IT, if you know what I mean. John said for now he's content with just being alone with me. But I'm not sure until when we can hold out, because our secret encounters keep getting more and more intense everytime. My husband never suspected anything, except when he wondered out loud one day why John stopped paying us a visit at home.

Joe, I know I have to stop this madness. I would have to be stupid to ruin my happy family life, but I just can't stay away from John. I feel so terrible whenever he's not around. It's like he fills a certain void in my life that I didn't know was there before. I still love Allan, and our daughter of course. But the more I think about stopping, the more I long for John's presence. I realize sooner or later the truth will come out, and I can't bear to think about the consequences if it does. I don't know what to do.

Sincerely,

Rona

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Dear Rona,

I know how much you want to cross the other side of the bridge and see what life would be like there. I have known several married women who have felt exactly the way you did. Some of them crossed the line but others have come to their senses and realized that their desire was senseless and futile. Those who closed their eyes and made it to the other end found momentary happiness. But as soon as the thrill of their secret romance was over, they just found out that there was nothing so extraordinary about the entire affair. It turns out to be just a fulfillment of something they wanted but something they really didn't need.

Rona, you are playing a dangerous adventure with John. It was probably your long kept , unspoken and repressed feelings for each other that made it easy for you to get yourselves entangled in this sinister emotional trap. In this case, you and you alone will be held responsible for your actions and its consequences. Maybe it wasn't you or John's fault that you waited too long and too late to express your love for each other . But that's fate . You were probably never meant to be. In any marriage, there comes a time when we want to take off our wedding rings and live our uncommitted lives again. We become wishful thinkers and daydream about being happy with someone else. Someone who makes our hearts jump again and someone who makes us feel important and loved. But we know that marriage doesn't come with a dissatisfied or an "I'm in love with someone else" certificate

Rona, you are halfway through the bridge. Your family is waiting on the other side. John is calling on you from the other end. This is your game. The next move is yours. Remember the rule, you can only be at one end of the bridge at one time and when you're there, those on the other end may never be around when you decide to come back.

Rona, you know what you stand to lose and you know in your heart that you will give up more than what you will gain. When you embrace John, think about your daughter. When you kiss him, think about your husband. When you feel like giving in, think about your family. When you miss him like crazy and feel like dying without his love, think of God and how He wonderfully blessed you with a good life. You and John may have all the good reasons to pursue your relationship, but remember, in the eyes of God, there can never be anything better than loving your very own family. There is nothing more beautiful than being happy together. Remember Rona, even if you think you did, you never had the right love at the wrong time. You just had a right husband and fell for a wrong man. And I hope that you will soon realize that it is never too late to right what is wrong and find love and lasting happiness with the beautiful family that God has blessed you with.

Joe